Everyone I’ve told I’m going to Burning Man and that is not an exaggeration, EVERYONE has reacted with sheer disbelief.
You know its really intense, right?
You know you’re, like, in the middle of the desert and everyone around you is naked and on wild drugs, right?
Then they turn to my co-worker, Sepp, who’s unfortunately fated to
chaperone accompany me.
My favorite reaction Sepps gotten for having me as a Burning Man counterpart is:
Wow, that’s actually a huge responsibility on you.
(We’ve already assumed the Burning Man dynamic will be akin to Sepp pulling me on a golden chariot so my feet never touch the ground.)
Suffice it to say, if I weren’t scared shitless before, I definitely am now that every person I know has strongly suggested my survival is unlikely(besides my mom, surprisingly, who says she regrets not going to Woodstock and her only concern is someone slipping me a pot brownie I don’t think shes done her research).
Sepps been doing his best to prepare me, and I read an Excel spreadsheet breakdown of packing essentials. The list is mostly things you’d expect, like Band-Aids, hand sanitizer and toothbrush optional.
Obviously, I understand this will not be a glamping excursion, but the toothbrush optional is where I draw the line.
This will probably be the grungiest eight days of my life. But until I have accepted that fact way too late, when my dust goggles are coated in dirt and broken because why wouldn’t they be? my future hygiene is still dominating my concerns.
In a last-ditch effort to ward off all the filth and grime I can while camped out in the middle the Nevada desert, I’ve curated my own Burning Man necessities and broken them up into four Essential Pillars.
Burning Man Survival Essentials
otherwise known as Things To Stave Off My Body’s Inevitable Disintegration.